Jackie Papandrew

The Grill General

We are now deeply embroiled in the grilling season, and the gentle man who promised to love me for better or for worse has once again morphed into the General Patton of the barbecue set, a tyrant with tongs who must not be questioned. Grilling, after all, is a man's job. As everyone knows, only a Y guy one of those brave bearers of the Y chromosome also known as men can possibly tame the open flame. After 20 years of marriage, I've come... (posted by Jackie 3 years 217 days ago.)

Pull My Finger

As a professional columnist who writes on matters of pressing national importance that frequently involve food-thieving dogs and sanity-stealing teenagers, I sometimes have to deal with difficult people. These people typically share a common trait - they openly admit to being men. One such brazen fellow contacted me recently to let me know that he did not believe I actually write my columns, suggesting I must employ the services of a male... (posted by Jackie 3 years 321 days ago.)

Got Flaxseed?

One of life's little ironies is that at the same time you are sharing a house with people who think they will live forever -- people (and I use the word loosely) otherwise known as teenagers -- Mother Nature begins to impress upon you the realization that you might not even make it into next week. Ma Nature, being a crotchety old lady with creaking joints, decides that your middle-aged self no longer has any business thinking like a... (posted by Jackie 3 years 354 days ago.)

The Power of Pigskin

In celebration of the end of football season (yeah!), here's something I wrote back in August, at the beginning of another season of insanity... I suppose it's far too late to point out that I am definitely not ready for some football. I doubt even Hank Jr. and all his rowdy friends could come over and make me appreciate the game. Yet here we are, once again deeply embedded in the season of beering and cheering, of touchdowns and... (posted by Jackie 4 years 7 days ago.)

Crime and Punishment

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out -- Rodney Dangerfield Every once in a while, in a blinding moment of clarity that fortunately doesn't last long, I realize my family thinks I'm utterly insane. Such a moment occurred just the other day when we gathered to watch a group of males armed with sticks fight over a slippery, seemingly trivial object. On most days, I could simply stay home and watch something... (posted by Jackie 4 years 20 days ago.)

Old Lame Signs

You know how, when you're a child, and you don't correctly hear the lyrics to a song or the words to some hackneyed cliche that adults are always throwing around? Like the phrase my parents often spouted at me when, in a noble effort to be helpful, I'd point out to them the moral failings and personal hygiene challenges of my younger brother. "That sounds like the pot calling the cattle black," my father would often drawl in response. At... (posted by Jackie 4 years 46 days ago.)